taking things less personally

After 2.5 weeks of getting into the "Chamber" swing I have found that it is hard to establish what my actual role here is. Yes...I am hired as an actor---but so far it has seemed to me that I am mostly a puppet. This is ok because it is a challenge and as my dearest Anna said, "It takes a good actor to be able to be a successful puppet for someone" (that is paraphrasing mind you, but close enough). This is true...it takes knowledge of the actual craft of acting to be able to accomplish living in the moment of someone elses reality and puppetry on stage. What I mean by this is that the artistic powers that be want what they want out of these characters leaving no space for the actor to create a character for themselves. It seems to be getting harder by the day...

Normally when you enter a long running or already running show you have the obligation to do some set blocking and create a cohesive character around the specificities that are involved...This company however wants to recreate the same exact situations and characters that have been done for the past 30 years. They have not given much time for us to actually explore and create real people within the specific style that they want conveyed. We are NOT the same people/actors from the past 30 years...I think that is the hardest part about this...

What I have found most challenging is learning to NOT take notes and major changes personally because in all actuality almost all of the choices "I have made" have not actually been made by me. Most of the things I am doing onstage have been the direct result of being told exactly what to do and how to do it. I have no problem doing that here because it is a very specific style. If a director or producer wants something extremely specific, I am able to deliver that and will learn to make it real and personal for myself. What I cannot really deal with is doing what person A wants and then having person B change it and have person A get mad and then have person C try and remedy it only to piss off both person A and person B and then have me be stuck in the middle hoping that they are not thinking it is a reflection of my acting ability. I KNOW that was a very long run on sentance...but bare with me.

Basically, I have found it hard to do my job here because there is nothing cohesive coming from the creative team. I am very much able to do what someone tells me--but when 3 or more people are telling me what they SPECIFICALLY want and that what they want is what everyone wants...frankly, i get very very CONFUSED. So basically i have learned to just let it go and roll with the punches whilst working hard. There is only so much one can to do please everyone at all times. The challenge for me has been finding a happy medium and learning to take things less personally.

The feedback we have been getting is not necessarily a reflection of our ability but rather one of what needs to be accomplished for an end product. Learning to let go of my racing mind has been helpful in the past few days.

And so the week continues. Hopefully Nick will show me how to add pictures to my blog tomorrow (I KNOW this is a very simple thing to do...but alas I am still new to the BLOG WORLD!). Strangely, Anna is staying with one of my oldest friends in the world for the next week (MANDO!) and so I get to see him and hang tomorrow night and I couldn't be more thrilled! :)
The little things are sometimes the things I look forward to the most!

Goodnight World....
PEACE